athens in a nutshell

my fabulous friend leslie m. sent this cartoon to me and i just had to (illegally? i would give the artist credit if i knew who the talented soul was) repost it here. she called this new and apparently popular pasttime "hipster heckling". as those of you who read my blog know, i have been an unfortunate victim of this disturbing hate crime (see previous post entitled "hipster cat fight" from january for many more details than you really need or want).
today, life is cracking me up and i don't know why so i'm just going to go with it.

how to impress a lady...

...with your supreme idiocy and repulsiveness

1. when approaching the woman you are interested in conversing with make sure that you are so completely trashed that you get her attention by drunkenly bumping into her and making her spill her drink.
2. fail to notice your clumsiness because you are so obliterated and interrupt the conversation she is currently engaged in by butting in rudely.
3. when speaking, make sure that every word you say is so slurred as to be completely incomprehensible.
4. have the pleasant combination of stale beer and vomit on your breath.
5. stand as close as possible to the lucky lady and try to grab her arm but miss and hit her instead.
6. have an unidentifiable brown crusty substance (vomit, dried blood, tobacco juice?- all of the options are equally scrumptious) caked on your lips.
7. when she turns her back on you stand behind her and wait for her to suddenly realize that you are indeed the man of her dreams or at least the man she wants to go home with. keep standing there until she walks away.
8. repeat steps 1-7 with every woman at the bar so that each one knows that she has a special place in your heart.
9. when steps 1-8 have been completed roll out the door (strangely alone), jump on your souped-up hog and speed away at a recklessly fast pace kicking up a huge cloud of dirt in the process and causing every bar patron that is standing outside to choke on your dust. very classy. by doing this you have certainly shown all of us ladies what we missed out on.

usually, being a woman rules. occasionally it doesn't.

comments

sorry kids, i had to disable all anonymous comments as i've been getting some pretty nasty sexual comments lately. i don't know if it's just spam or if it's some loser with nothing better to do. unfortunalety i believe it to be the latter. in any case, if you want to comment you'll have to register on blogger so that i can trace where the comments are coming from. sorry!