oh walmart. embraced by america. hated by america. representative of all that is american and all that is wrong with america.
on a recent trip to visit my family in the wonderful land of suburbia i was sent on a mission to acquire curtain rods from walmart. they were for my grandmother so if you are the judging, walmart-despising type you can just hold your tongue because she lived through the depression and is "thrifty" and now we'll just move along with the story.
a few years ago my parents moved farther away from the city of atlanta because roswell, the idyllic, upper middle-class, republican, mind-numbing home of my youth had gotten overrun with strip malls and suv's and soccer moms to the point that even my own parents couldn't take it any more. so they moved. to (ahem) forsyth county. from what i can tell, forsyth is much like north fulton except that the suv's all have four wheel drive and trailer hitches and the strip malls don't necessarily have a starbucks on the corner. not yet anyway. oh, and there are more white people.
in essence, forsyth is like roswell only a little more redneck. more georgia if you will. if you're not from atlanta then you may not realize that atlanta is (for the most part) nothing like the rest of georgia. imagine then what a walmart (not known for it's upscale clientele in even the richest of suburbs) in cumming, georgia (pronounced coming or cuming depending upon how dirty your mind is) might be like. let's just say that a barefoot, pregnant brittney spears would fit right in. on the other hand, goth, a style popularized in the eighties and made mainstream by the likes of robert smith and marilyn manson, does not fit in quite as well. does not fit in at all actually. in fact, even though goth has been around for at least two decades it has never really caught on in forsyth county. or so i gathered form the following interaction i witnessed at the walmart in cumming, ga:
a pale young man with long, dyed black hair and wearing a black trench coat, black shorts, and black combat boots exits walmart accompanied by his pregnant girlfriend? wife? sister? mom? who is similarly attired. (note to reader: in any slightly urban, cultured environment this couple would walk by unnoticed. we can therefore conclude that cumming, ga is completely uncultured. yes, that is a scientifically sound deduction.)
a woman in her mid 40's- mid 50's is walking towards the entrance to walmart with her gangly-limbed teenage son walking a few steps behind and pretending that he isn't with her.
the goth couple and the woman pass by one another.
minsicule pause.
woman to her son with a loud voice as stereotypically redneck as you could hope for: "did ewe say thayt!? thayt mayn had grain nail polish awn. nhat just ahny grain ayther. baybah shit grain!!!" (translation: "did you see that? that man had green nail polish on. not just any green either. baby shit green!!!")
um, ok. personally i find a woman yelling about baby shit to her teenage son in a public setting to be vastly more offensive that some dude with green nail polish. i guess that's just me.
so here's the point and i'm going to try not to sound classist and and offensive myself but fuck it really i'm so goddamn sick of america and its bullshit ideals and the idea that we should and do rule the world with the almighty's blessing that i could scream and rip my passport in two except that would mean that i would have to pay to get another passport made so that i can actually leave this damn country-my home- at some point in the future once i finally give up on the idea that we americans can redeem ourselves.
whew. glad i got that out. anyway, i've always known that there aren't really enough rich, narrow-minded republicans to put george w. in the white house. what i had forgotten is that he appeals to the ignorant, narrow-minded masses of americans also. and while it's not my place to blame anyone that may not have had the educational opportunities that i had, i'm tired of the willful ignorance that plagues this country. the lack of perspective possessed by most americans is appalling and i don't know how to change it. how can you force a world view on someone who has never seen the world- whose world consists of a bunch of people just like them and a walmart?
yes, all that stemmed from a chance encounter at the local walmart. what can i say? i have a tendency to overthink things.
god bless the u. s. of a.!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
down-home fascists
maybe i'm just a traitor to my smoking friends, but i'm really happy about this new total smoking ban in athens. for completely selfish reasons of course- i hate the smell of cigarettes. sure, i'm all for personal liberties (some might consider me a libertarian on that issue), but no one is saying that you smokers can't smoke. you just can't do it in public. you can't pee or shit in public either but i haven't heard any complaints about that recently. what's that you say? that's because public defecation is a health issue? exactly. i mean, just because i willingly endanger my liver and up my chances for cirrhosis most nights of the week doesn't mean that i want lung cancer, too. one self-induced mortal illness is enough for me, thanks.
as for the drop in buisness expected by downtown buisness owners, i'll readily admit that i can see a difference in the number of persons patronizing the local bars right now. in fact, i was at the manhattan the other night and there were about 10 people crammed into the tiny outdoor bar space and only two of us inside (well, four if you count the bartenders). room 13 had a similarly low turnout (concentrated outside under a haze of smoke of course). i liked it. sure, the ban might initially be bad for business but, call me crazy, i imagine that most bar flies aren't going to opt to stay home and drink beer all by their lonesomes just so they can wash down each sip with a refreshing puff of tar and nicotine. give it a few weeks and i bet everything will be back to normal at the bars. only less smelly.
of course, in the grand scheme of things, this new resolution isn't really all that important. sure i'm personally happy to wake up after a night out on the town without smelling like a rancid, beer-soaked carton of cigarettes, but that's small change when you think about the state of the world today and where we young, inspired, politically-minded americans should be focusing our energy and anger.
or am i wrong? is this issue what really gets us up in arms? give me a fucking break. and yet the following letter can be found in this week's flagpole magazine:
"I have been an avid smoker for 27 years now, and I am infuriated by the new smoking ban. I agree with the guy who said that this smacks of fascism. I would like to invite all of the smokers out there to engage in a sweeping act of solidarity and commit an act of civil disobedience and meet us in front of the Georgia Theatre on Aug. 13 at 7 p.m. We will meet in front and light up and then form a procession that will march all the way around downtown, stopping off at restaurants and bars along the way, ending up at the courthouse in grand fashion. Feel free to bring your own signs and/ or sandwich boards. Fight for your free choice, Athens!
Edward Holand Athens"
fascism? what? fury? huh? i'm confused. i sincerely hope that this letter is a joke but in case it isn't i would like to say the following:
edward, i understand your desire to express your freedom of choice, but to get all riled up about smoking seems like a waste of breath (cough, cough) and anger. i'm all for civil disobedience as a way to express dissatisfaction with the rule-makers of the world. hell, we could certainly have used some more motivated individuals like yourself prior to the "war on terror". demonstrations and the like can be powerful tools to effect public change but not when that tool is trivialized. i mean, smoking? dude, i don't give a rat's ass if you smoke 2 packs a day for the rest of your shortened lifetime. go for it. it just makes me sad that such a petty issue is what inspires you to take action. think about it. aren't there at least a million other things that your time would be better spent fighting for?
fuck it. now i'm depressed. anyone got a light?
as for the drop in buisness expected by downtown buisness owners, i'll readily admit that i can see a difference in the number of persons patronizing the local bars right now. in fact, i was at the manhattan the other night and there were about 10 people crammed into the tiny outdoor bar space and only two of us inside (well, four if you count the bartenders). room 13 had a similarly low turnout (concentrated outside under a haze of smoke of course). i liked it. sure, the ban might initially be bad for business but, call me crazy, i imagine that most bar flies aren't going to opt to stay home and drink beer all by their lonesomes just so they can wash down each sip with a refreshing puff of tar and nicotine. give it a few weeks and i bet everything will be back to normal at the bars. only less smelly.
of course, in the grand scheme of things, this new resolution isn't really all that important. sure i'm personally happy to wake up after a night out on the town without smelling like a rancid, beer-soaked carton of cigarettes, but that's small change when you think about the state of the world today and where we young, inspired, politically-minded americans should be focusing our energy and anger.
or am i wrong? is this issue what really gets us up in arms? give me a fucking break. and yet the following letter can be found in this week's flagpole magazine:
"I have been an avid smoker for 27 years now, and I am infuriated by the new smoking ban. I agree with the guy who said that this smacks of fascism. I would like to invite all of the smokers out there to engage in a sweeping act of solidarity and commit an act of civil disobedience and meet us in front of the Georgia Theatre on Aug. 13 at 7 p.m. We will meet in front and light up and then form a procession that will march all the way around downtown, stopping off at restaurants and bars along the way, ending up at the courthouse in grand fashion. Feel free to bring your own signs and/ or sandwich boards. Fight for your free choice, Athens!
Edward Holand Athens"
fascism? what? fury? huh? i'm confused. i sincerely hope that this letter is a joke but in case it isn't i would like to say the following:
edward, i understand your desire to express your freedom of choice, but to get all riled up about smoking seems like a waste of breath (cough, cough) and anger. i'm all for civil disobedience as a way to express dissatisfaction with the rule-makers of the world. hell, we could certainly have used some more motivated individuals like yourself prior to the "war on terror". demonstrations and the like can be powerful tools to effect public change but not when that tool is trivialized. i mean, smoking? dude, i don't give a rat's ass if you smoke 2 packs a day for the rest of your shortened lifetime. go for it. it just makes me sad that such a petty issue is what inspires you to take action. think about it. aren't there at least a million other things that your time would be better spent fighting for?
fuck it. now i'm depressed. anyone got a light?
Monday, August 08, 2005
car notes- part one: mistaken identity
i borrowed my dad's car this past week and after going out one night received this note on my windshield:
it freaked me out. until i realized that i'm not dating (much less living with) anyone, that my father is still alive, and that i'm not fucking anyone named mark ("the piece of shit"). then i decided that it was kind of funny that i received this scathing, psychotic note on my car. that someone could flip out over something as simple as seeing a generic vehicle parked downtown and could leave such a ridiculous note without even checking to see if it was even the correct car.
first reaction: freaked out
second reaction: amusement
third reaction: scared as shit for the poor girl this note was intended for. who knows, maybe she is two-timing "j" and he's had enough of it but his instinctive, out of control reaction to seeing a car downtown makes me think that he is possibly a little off his rocker and that he might have a tendency to overreact. greatly overreact. at least he said that he would only "CALL THE POLICE" if she came home and not beat the shit out of her. i'm not trying to be flippant- that stuff happens more than most of us realize. in any case, i hope he cooled down after writing the note and that if he happens across this blog that he feels foolish and doesn't decide to find me and kill me or something.
my advice to "j": take your meds and, if this girl really is so horrible, just leave her and get on with your life. oh, and have a pleasant day.
it freaked me out. until i realized that i'm not dating (much less living with) anyone, that my father is still alive, and that i'm not fucking anyone named mark ("the piece of shit"). then i decided that it was kind of funny that i received this scathing, psychotic note on my car. that someone could flip out over something as simple as seeing a generic vehicle parked downtown and could leave such a ridiculous note without even checking to see if it was even the correct car.
first reaction: freaked out
second reaction: amusement
third reaction: scared as shit for the poor girl this note was intended for. who knows, maybe she is two-timing "j" and he's had enough of it but his instinctive, out of control reaction to seeing a car downtown makes me think that he is possibly a little off his rocker and that he might have a tendency to overreact. greatly overreact. at least he said that he would only "CALL THE POLICE" if she came home and not beat the shit out of her. i'm not trying to be flippant- that stuff happens more than most of us realize. in any case, i hope he cooled down after writing the note and that if he happens across this blog that he feels foolish and doesn't decide to find me and kill me or something.
my advice to "j": take your meds and, if this girl really is so horrible, just leave her and get on with your life. oh, and have a pleasant day.
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