i'm a liar

all of these years i've been telling people that i'm six feet tall even though i know that i'm not. here's the thing, i forgot that i'm really only 5'11 and 1/2. really. i've been lying to people for so long that i forgot the truth. i was convinced that i'm really six feet tall until i was measured the other day at the doctor's office. and then i remembered.

so now you know, i'm a liar. however, i refuse to take full responsibility for my lapse in character. you see, before i was a liar, when i used to tell people exactly how tall i am, no one ever believed me. i guess i just look that half inch taller. or maybe i'm supposed to round off. you know, like all men do- "yes, i'm 6 feet tall" (meaning really that he is about 5'10" with shoes on. shoes that have very thick soles). shit, does that mean i have to start telling people i'm 6'2"?

then i get the "there's no way you're only (only!?) six feet tall. that's how tall i am and you're taller than me." yeah, that's how tall you are in that little liar's head of yours that's now convinced itself that it the top of it truly does reach that 72 inch mark on the wall. keep dreaming buddy.

but i understand, really i do. remembering the truth just isn't that easy when your head is filled with so many better "truths".

maybe i should start telling people i'm 5'10". that's always seemed like such a nice height. if i say it enough times maybe i really will be 5'10". if i can convince myself then maybe i can convince my jeans and they will miraculously become long enough and i could live happily ever after with my long, legitimately frayed-on-the-bottom jeans. oh, to be so lucky. plus it would be fun to fuck with those guys that like to think they're taller than they are. if i'm only 5'10" that would make them about 5'7". ha. you know boys, i hear artfully placed trucker hats can add a couple of inches. plus thay cover that receding hairline perfectly.