binge drinking: still cool in your late twenties?

the following are just a few poignant examples of why you will no longer find me a)drinking before 10 (that's pm), b) allowing myself more than four drinks when i go out (there seems to be a line that i cross after four where i forget what the word moderation means and why it applies to the consumption of alcoholic beverages) and c) shots are a definite no no (especially tequila. especially well tequila).

1. i get really talkative and annoying when i am drunk. it's very unseemly for a woman my age. i try to make up for it by alternating being really talkative and annoying with being belligerent and mean. that way people never know what to expect and i seem more interesting.

2. i'm pretty sure i got thrown out of the forty watt last night. not for being too drunk exactly, but my drunkenness was a direct cause of the incident. here's what happened: my friend and i were just scoping out the show so we left our id's at the front door planning to go in and come right back out to tell our friends if we should all go. somehow a beer got handed to me on the way in, i saw a few friends and forgot that i hadn't paid and wasn't supposed to be there. seriously. i got caught with a beer in my hand by the angry door guy and he dragged me out by the collar and threw me on the ground. then he spit on me and told me never to come back. ok, not really, but he did think i was trying to scam my way in for a free show which is just as bad. i mean that is so, you know, uncool. of course i was then too embarrassed to go back in even though, by that point, we wanted to see the show.

3. i am having trouble thinking and writing anything that makes sense. right this very moment. a good 16 hours after my last drink was drunk. that is sad. if this entry happens to be especially not funny and/or terrible just know it is merely a reflection of how i feel. i feel like a very bad hangover. is that possible?.

4. i woke up this morning and hit myself on the forehead (which did nothing to ease my headache and was a very dumb thing to do) because i could remember how annoying i was last night. there are two possible remedies for this embarrassed morning after scenario. i could either make sure that i drink so much next time that i don't remember anything or i can do the responsible thing and drink less. the odds that i will embarrass myself while sober are still good, but i will at least have a fighting chance to maintain my composure.

5. i like to whisper (yell) stories about people to my friends and stare right at the person i am talking about while doing so. they, of course, know instantly that i am talking about them and hate me. i, on the other hand, am secure in the knowledge that i am not being completely obvious and keep right on blabbing while they shoot me eat-shit-and-die-you-gossipy-bitch looks that i fail to notice.

6. did i mention that i get very annoying when i'm drunk? right.

7. and finally...drinking too much is sinful and god condemns sinners. ha, ha. just kidding.

now i'm sure you're wondering, is jenna really going to stick to her rules as listed in a, b, and c? what, are you asking me? how the hell should i know?
ok, i think i can safely answer that question now. the answer is a resounding NO!